Healing from a Breakup

Taking Care of Yourself Can Help You Survive a Breakup

Written by Elsa February 11, 2012

Not all relationships last. Like a flip of a coin, the outcome is just one of two things. It’s either you last forever or you break up. However, it is important to know that breaking up from a relationship is not the end of the world.

While it’s not necessary to find a new partner right away, you need to take care of yourself especially when the heartbreak is still fresh. This is a phase when you are most vulnerable to external stresses and the time when it’s easier to sulk and feel bad.

Contrary to popular notion, the impacts of breakups are not emotional alone. It affects the physical body too, creating a vicious cycle of health degradation and psycho-emotional depression.

The first step to recover from a break up is to take care of your physical self. Start with getting adequate food and sleep.

Eat a balanced diet with plenty of fluids. Sweets, fruits and chocolates can help you gain energy and focus on your activities. It will also help to take vitamin supplements especially if you frequently lack the appetite. At the same time, get 7-9 hours of sleep every day. If you have serious difficulties with your diet and sleeping pattern, immediately consult a doctor.

After separating with a loved one, you may feel tired and in need of time to relax and rest. This is recommended but don’t relax at the expense of your outdoor activities. You need to get out of the house, walk the dog, jog or exercise with friends.

Physical activities are very important to physical and emotional recovery. Studies show that having an active lifestyle helps in releasing endorphins in the body. Also called “happy hormones,” endorphins cause good mood and vigor.

When your overall health is good, it is time to deal with your appearance and hygiene. It is not necessary to have a full cosmetic makeover. Just pay attention to the things you have neglected when you were in a relationship.

Maybe it’s time for your hair to be trimmed or for your teeth to be cleansed and whitened. Give yourself a treat to a massage parlor or spa. Taking care of your beauty is a powerful way to restore and uphold your self-appreciation and confidence.

Find an outlet for your physical talents or artistic spirit. You may purchase new books or write your own. Express your emotions and feeling through various arts like painting, dancing and sculpting. You may also engage into sports like badminton, tennis and bowling. Besides keeping you busy, these are productive works that will make you feel good about yourself.

Finally, reserve a “date-night” for yourself, as what Susan J. Elliot J.D., M.Ed, author of “Getting Past Your Breakup” recommends. Allot about a couple of hours for you and you alone. Cut your communication to everyone during this time by staying away from the computer and your phone.

Have a quality time with you by treating yourself to your favorite dessert or by watching a feel-good movie. Then you’ll realize, “how long have I been depriving myself of these simple joys?”

These simple actions will help you recover faster from the pains of breaking up.

Image: freedigitalphotos.net

02.11.2012 // 1 Comment // Continue Reading »

Divorce – How to Heal from the Pain and Start Moving On

Written by Elsa February 09, 2012

Photo by vmiramontes

Many of us learn so much from divorce. At times, divorce reaches a point where it becomes an extremely difficult condition. This does not only bring great loss in terms of private materials but loss is far greater than that.

Most of the time, the impact of divorce is really great that a person even loses her/himself during the process. Lots of changes on the person’s nature occur as one comes through the process of divorce. One could also go through this wrong track when one develops a negative attitude.

You shouldn’t be that person. There are many ways you can take to heal from the pain of divorce.

E. Mavis Hetherington, a professor at the University of Virginia, has studied the impact of divorce with people using a span of about 40 years to help identify different means of dealing with a divorce.

The researcher found out that other people manage to flourish due to the things that have happened in their lives during the divorce and after, instead of despite them.

Here are some tips you should consider:

1. Give Yourself A Time to Grieve

For many adults, a divorce is such a painful and stressful experience. There are deep wounds that typically accompany divorce, so one needs time for the wounds to heal.

Compared to death of a loved one, a divorce usually will not give a sense of closure. In the first few years of the divorce, it’s all but normal to feel mood swings, tendency for psychological disorders, as well as increase in physical illness.

Identify what you are going through while giving yourself time for grieving and some healing. You need to have patience with yourself. Don’t expect to be fine right away and completely.

2. Take Good Care of Yourself

During and right after divorce could be time for great stress. The body is more prone to different sickness. It is suggested that you take better or more care of yourself than what you do normally such as have regular exercise, eat more nutritious meals, as well as getting more rest.

3. Surround Yourself with Good and Supportive People

It is suggested to talk to others regarding your feelings, more so with people who had been in the same situation. Friends, family members or other acquaintances could be a good source of your strength.

If the social ties do change right after divorce, and this is often what happens, avoid dwelling on your loneliness brought by losing few friends and make extra effort to know some new people.

4. Consider Helping Others

Some research has already proven that one can have that emotional lift by helping others. Giving yourself takes your focus off yourself while giving you a break on thinking more on your problems.

5. Get Involved More

Look for activities you enjoy doing and always do them. Find things that do give meaning into your life. While, learning something new is oftentimes an exciting and rewarding experience.

6. Think about Building New Relationships

Right after having divorced, lots of people isolate themselves. Because of the feelings brought by rejection that usually accompanies divorce, others find it difficult to have new relationships.

Please take some more time for healing and evaluation of things that didn’t work during the first time. To move on is important.

You might need some casual acquaintances in the meantime or you might look for serious and romantic relationships. As you enter again into full new social life, avoid seeking marriage to heal emotional wounds.

Avoid rushing with another marriage only because you again feel or fall in love with somebody.

7. Do Make the Most out of Change

At the period of change after divorce, lots of dramatic changes can take place in your personal life. When you’re open with lots of change and willing to embrace another opportunities, you could find lots of wonderful things going ahead in your own life.

Lots of people discover talents they did not thought they have or try out things that they had never dreamed of trying before in their lives.

Divorce may be painful, but remember that it is also a window of opportunity for you to build a new and better life.

Reference:

Taylor, Sarah. Moving Ahead After Divorce as an Adult. Retrieved February 9, 2012, from http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=131

02.09.2012 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

Treat Depression after Breakup with These Foods

Written by Elsa February 03, 2012

Photo by duhdenise

Feeling depressed after breakup?

One of the ways to overcome this problem is to get a prescription from your doctor, or take some affordable antidepressants such as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSIs) to increase serotonin levels so that mood disorders can be alleviated.

Serotonin is a naturally occurring neurotransmitter in the brain. It is primarily responsible for feelings of happiness and well-being, which is the desired outcome for people undergoing the emotional stress of a breakup. Many drugs that raise serotonin levels are available in the market today, an example of which are antidepressants.

However, antidepressants may not be very helpful in treating depression after breakup. Antidepressants work by allowing serotonin to stay longer in the brain and not by increasing its levels. Consequently, prolonged use of antidepressants can bring various adverse effects such as nausea, headache, insomnia, weight gain, anxiety, and other undesired effects.

Nevertheless, one can treat depression after breakup by eating foods that can increase serotonin levels.

Since serotonin is derived from tryptophan, an essential amino acid essential, the key to treating depression after breakup is eating plenty of foods with this amino acid. This is a cheap and convenient alternative to prescription medications since one can buy these foods at the local supermarket or health store.

Here are some foods and drinks that are sure to provide much needed serotonin to treat depression after breakup:

1. Buckwheat

Although one may initially think of it as a grain, buckwheat is not related to wheat since they are not of the cereal or grass family. Instead, buckwheat is related to rhubarb and sorrel. Plenty of foods are made from buckwheat such as porridge, crepes, pancakes, and noodles.

2. Whey Protein

Whey protein is popularly used as a dietary supplement, mainly for muscle building. Although further research should be done to prove its anti-cancer and anti-inflammatory properties, whey protein undoubtedly is rich in essential amino acids that can increase serotonin levels.

3. Flaxseed Oil

Not only it is high in tryptophan, but also it is rich in omega-3 fatty acids that is good for the heart, both literally and figuratively. Flaxseed is available in health stores and comes in liquid or soft gel capsule forms.

4. Bananas

Bananas are widely available in the market and are perfect to eat anytime of the day. These can also be combined with whey protein smoothies for a serotonin boost. Other serotonin-rich fruits include avocado, pineapple, plums, and kiwi.

5. Sour cherries and cranberries

Sour cherries and cranberries are also recommended for people treating depression after breakup since these foods aid in the production of melatonin, a hormone that helps in regulating the circadian rhythm and ensuring a good sleep. People who have undergone a breakup tend to be anxious and distressed, and they need to have all the rest that they can get.

6. Eggs

Eggs are a perfect source of essential amino acids and fatty acids which are considered as the good fat needed by the body. The recommended amount to be consumed is 3-4 eggs per week.

7. Nettle Tea

Nettle tea has a grassy taste and tastes a bit like spinach. It has a variety of uses such as treating cough and urinary tract infections, relieving arthritis, preventing allergies and improving moods.

8. Fish and Seafood

You can get healthy fats from tuna, salmon and sardines that can reduce depression symptoms and regulate obsession. You can also get tryptophan from fish that is very useful to help the brain synthesize serotonin.

While the above foods may not be able to instantly change your mood, they can be beneficial as a part of an overall depression treatment. If you want to actually get on a new relationship and inspire him to FULLY commit to you, I recommend you check out the “Girl Gets Ring” system by Jonathan Green and T.W. Jackson.

02.03.2012 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

5 Top Tips to Get Your Ex Back

Written by Elsa February 01, 2012

There are different reasons why a romantic relationship ends. It can be of cheating, constant fights, and others. Whatever the reasons are, a broken heart is something painful.

If you’re reading this, obviously you want to get your ex back and try to fix the damage of your relationship. But are you sure that this is the best decision? What are the reasons why you want to get your ex back?

You know that a breakup is not the end of the world. Without your ex you can still live, be happy, and you can always find another person.

Just think about it: if you think that your ex is your whole life, then you absolutely need to improve yourself. You need to think carefully whether it’s worth fighting for or not. Maybe your ex left you for good.

However, if you‘ve decided that you the relationship is worth fighting for, you may consider the following tips to get your ex back:

(If you want to know how to inspire your man to fully committed to you, check out “Girl Gets Ring” system by dating experts T.W. Jackson and Jonathan Green)

1. Find out and understand what caused the breakup

It is very important that you understand why you broke up with your ex. You see, the reasons why a relationship ends are different for men and women.

Men may leave a romantic relationship when they don’t get what they need from it anymore. They basically want the opposite sex to admire and respect them. Therefore, men may leave a relationship and may find another woman to get what they really want. On the other hand, women generally want appreciation, instead of admiration, so they may leave if they feel they’re not appreciated.

2. Take some time, don’t be in a hurry

If you think that it’s worth fighting for, then you need to take some time. Do not contact your ex, and try to do new things. You can get a new hair cut, exercise more regularly, hang out with friends, etc. This is very important so you will act rationally.

3. Take care of your physical self

Taking good care of yourself is important because this will bring back your self-esteem and confidence, as well as maintain them. This has been posted previously, so read this article for details: Taking Care of Yourself Can Help You Survive a Breakup.

4. Try to date with someone else

“What? Dating with someone else?!”

It is understandable that maybe you don’t want to do that, but it’s very advantageous to stop you from thinking about your ex and realize that your world has not ended yet. Plus, your ex will see that you are in fact not desperate and you want to move on. You can try online dating or speed dating, but you needn’t focus on getting the right person. What you should do here is to have some fun and make friends.

5. Contact your ex (after taking some time)

If you’ve done all of the above, it’s time to contact your ex. You can call your ex, but don’t ask to date again immediately. You can say that you want to ask your ex for lunch, and you should never ever talk about bad memories.

But remember that your ex may say “yes” or “no”. If it’s a “no”, then do not beg. Your ex may need some time to meet you again, or maybe it’s really a time for you to move on. If a “no” is the answer, remember that it’s not the end of the world.

02.01.2012 // Leave a comment // Continue Reading »

How Laughter Can Help You Heal from Broken Hearts

Written by Elsa January 30, 2012

You’ve heard this before…

“Laughter is the best medicine”

This includes your broken heart. Laughing, or just smiling, can help you move on and gradually heal yourself from a breakup.

You can plan to do fun activities that can make you laugh or smile, such as watching funny videos you can find online. Since you’ve just lost someone you love, you may feel that this is not easy. But you should do it, because it is proven as one of the most effective ways to help you survive a breakup.

Laughter or humor will actually give positive impacts on your brain so it can improve your physical as well as mental health. Since the 1980s, an immunologist by the name of Dr. Lee S. Berk has researched the impacts of joyful laughter hormone regulations. When you watch a funny video, you will actually be able to reduce the levels of detrimental stress hormones because of the happy or joyful laughter. In the research, Dr. Berk found out that laughter can affect the production of natural pain killers from the body, endorphins and anti-bodies.

Want to prove this? Then check out the following video: